well, it all started early this year. the girl who was my everything, has turned into something that i've felt that i've burdened her. like most, we started off as strangers. we were at phase one, meeting. thanks to pushcasrts actually. it is crazy what you'd do for that special someone. i had my eye on her, but she did not know.. i was with my own clique in class when we first started off as a team for the pushcart sales. she and her clique had no where to join, so they were with us. soon, we came up with great ideas on making things big. she said i was crazy, coming up with so many ideas so fast. but still, at the end, i've got her number. when an excuse for easier communication actually.
soon, we were in phase two, the chase. most say "the best part". she was placed number one. be it she's sad, or happy, i was aways there, lending her a listening ear for her to pour all her problems to. giving her solutions. lending her a shoulder to cry on. being a clown, making a fool out of myself just for her to smile. and, a teddy bear. when she needed a hug the most. things were all going well for the month of february. we even helped our cliques get together. they were just so in love, but all i could do is watch.
i confessed to her at that time.. made some little promises as well. soon, i started fetching her from work, school, and was with her most of the time. we were close, like most couples. whatever she wanted, needed, i would try to provide. but soon, i came to realize, she was attached. i've said that i would not break them up. at the same time, doing my part on chasing her. they were in stage 4, comfortable. but it depends on what you do with that comfort. some use it to build better relationships, but from my point of view, they might have been taking each other for granted. i was unable to stand how he was treating her. i'm like, always doing his part.
once i was in the train, with her on her way home, she said "my boyfriend used to send me home all the time, and i lean on his shoulder all the way from east cost, to boon lay, and he never once complained tired.". now, he cliams he's busy with his poly life and has little time for her. she said she misses it and him a hell lot. but still, all i could do was to stay quiet. after all, i'm still a nobody to her.
things went on, soon, it was the month of march. she was reading a magaxine in class and read this line saying "you enjoy the attention of someone new, but you do not want to disappoint your date." well, thats how i feel also. i felt that she was avoiding me, and trying to push me awat from her. so i confronted her, saying, "maybe i should just fade away." she said that if i'd ever do such things, she will hate me for life, and asked me to stay. so, i've stayed on. i was left hanging, as she was neither here nor there.
soon, it was april, she was reading another magazine in class, saying that, "you have to decide on one before the 20th of next month, if not, you'll lose both". i agreed with it once again. when the time reached, it was either their 8th or 9th months anniversary. then i've realized, i've been doing so many things in place for her guy, while who knows what he was doing. time passes, and we;ve gotten more intimate. then, it was may..
this went on smoothly for the first 19 days, and i somehow, reminded her, "do you what day is tomorrow?" she said "20th?" i asked, "any plans?" she somehow forgotten until i told her, "it's your anniversary." well, i had no idea why i said that in the first place. she told me that her boyfriend was not free to celebrate it with her. so, we spent the day in college, like any other days. then our close clique suggested that us and them, go for a movie. i insisted on going home to change, but she said she do not want to. so i invited her over to my place, lent her some clothes. she already has a few of them though.. a PE shirt, a jacket and a set of black clothing used for our one day private sales. so, i've lent her another set. we wore almost the same on that day, 20th of may. on our way there, she kept repeating this: "do we really have to go to this shopping mall?" i noticed that she was somehow afraid that she might be spotted by her friends, or her boyfriend.
luckily, things were smooth. after the movie, we went to a night market which was held there. she was so excited. we walked passed some stores, and came across this game shop meant for kids to play in. so i suggested that it was sweet doing something and get some prices just for her. after the game, we've gotten the last set of couple key chains. i was happy, that she'd actually smiled as she gave one of it to me.
soon, i was saturday. 28th of may. same routine, i went to fetch her from work. she said that she had her eyes on this headphone which was very nice. so i got a pair. we were like a couple, everything in pairs. 2 days passed, and things started to get rough... she and her boyfriend had a quarrel. i'm not so sure of the reason, but i feel that it was because of my appearance, that was her source of sadness. i felt so helpless. the next day in school, i noticed her eyes, those eyes that were in pain, just right after crying. i started to re-approach myself. i thought that if i had not appeared, none of this would ever happen.
eventually, i broke down as well. on that night, i actually planned to tell her something. but she said she was tired after a long day of school. so i let it pass, and sent her home as usual. things were somehow different this time around. she said i was too good, and asked me to stop. but the thing is, i've already used 5 months, just trying to get things right. so i told her this, "no matter what happens in the future, promise me, that we'll never be apart. dispite the situation." she agreed. but i don't think thats the answer im looking for.
today tge first of june, i guess i snapped. i got totally pissed off when buzers came looking for her, and i guess, that on the moment of anger, i've said and done some things that might have caysed her sadness once again. currently in a delemma. i should have expected things to turn out this way, i knew this was gonna happen. i fell too hard this time around.
soon, it was night, she told me what happen. i was rather disappointed. not that she allow it to happen, but me allowing it to take place. it's 2june 12am, i was looking through her profile, though i;ve hacked in. well, i knew that there will be nothing good, i continued. i saw her facebook message with that buzzer. once again, feeling helpless. i can;t stand the way she was doing things, i felt that she was not even trying to push him away. well, guess everyone is different eh?
2nd june, another normal day in college. i was rather afraid of leaving her side once again. wherever she was, i would be nearby just stalking her. today, she wanted to meet her boyfriend, but it seems that he's so lazy and claimed that today was his holiday and does not want to travel far. hello? she is tired too, spare a thought for her.
today, fourth of june, i actually planned with her to celebrate my mom's birthday as well as my friend's celebration before army. she did not manage to come... we were at bugis, when she told me that the buzzer was there as well, once again, i lost it. i guess i've hurt her again.. i deserve marks to be minused.
5th june, i'm shaking, it feels as though she wants me to leave, as she enjoys the attention of someone new. i'm not really sure what i should do anymore. heaven's gates won't open up for me, with my broken wings i'm falling, and all i need is you.
7th june, everything is gonna change. it feels like as if, i'm fading away. 8th june, back on the way when i was sending her home, she told me some obvious hints that she knew what i've said to her boyfriend. while we were walking, she stopped near a drain and i continued, she shouted "EDWIN TAN! TELL ME!!" the next thing that came into my mind was "i love you." but how could i possibly say that? it's just not the right time. soon after, she finally admitted to me that we were both hiding things from each other. i meant her well. well, though i love her so much, guess it's time for me to let go and see if it ever comes back. i'll be waiting. time to pick up the pieces.
guess this is it. this story does not pauses here anymore. &&girl, aishiteru K.Sharon. i'll miss you. and this whole story, is not about me trying to show off, but me, giving my all just for her.
even i already know the answer "we are totally from different worlds and we could never be together." well, if life decides to seperate us, and we end up in totally different places, i'll just be thankful that when time was alligned for us. and i hope, that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. <3. the reason why, is because i do not want to miss anything anymore. guess, this is goodbye. (:
smile yeah?
wooo,
heigan's been freaking busy lately!.
currently working at VE (venture era)
thanks to mummy and VE peeps,
heigan's became a 1 day ME (marketing exacutive)
WOOTS!.
my aim is for,
MARKETING MANAGER BY THE FREKING END OF THIS MONTH
and CAR ACHEIVER, MAZDA RX8 BY THIS YEAR.
WOOOOOOOOOOO.
pay is freaking good.
just by comission, 2 sales,
i close like, 1330 bucks?
for my freaking rank.
comon lah peeps,
you guys say VE not good,
outside very good meh.
lets say you get 2.3k/mth as salery,
so?
you still must see boss face,
tahan the retrenchment,
lalalala, so many others.
at VE,
SLACK WHAT.
just get clients niah lohrs!
today coffee shop boss bomb me bodoh!
say can talk, in the end, when i reach,
he sleeping.
ALAMAK.
well, hope all goes well for me in this company.
MM, HERE I COME!
